The manga that explains why we find it so hard not to scold children

The addiction to scolding is a pattern that repeats at home and in the classroom, and it now has a manga version with more specific episodes. Mō shikaritakunai to omottara yomu hon ("The book to read when you no longer want to scold") is based on the bestseller Shikaru izon ga tomaranai ("The addiction to scolding won't stop"), by clinical psychologist Naoto Muranaka, and adds everyday situations drawn by manga artist and illustrator Mami Fukuchi.

The two met at an event to celebrate the publication and talked about what lies behind that impulse to scold. One of the central topics was the pressure adults feel when a child doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, or doesn't follow the pace set by parenting manuals.

The average baby doesn't exist

Muranaka warns that we treat the average as if it were the norm, as if a real "average baby" existed. "You won't find that baby anywhere. A baby who is average in every way is a very rare creature," he explained.

That idea, that there is a mean everyone should meet, is what corners parents and teachers. When a child deviates from that mold, the adult feels something is wrong. And that discomfort is what often turns into scolding.

Fukuchi focused on how mothers and fathers end up tying the child's behavior to their own worth. "Every gesture the child makes becomes a grade for me. That lack of boundaries is especially strong when they are babies," she said.

Eating is not a battle

The event also addressed problems with food. Muranaka proposes changing the goal: it's not about getting the child to eat, but about understanding what they can eat and under what conditions it's easier for them. Some children reject certain colors or textures, only eat white foods, or need ingredients to be kept separate.

"You have to see what pattern this child follows to eat, what criteria they use to separate what they eat from what they don't. Once you see that, you can start adding foods that fit," he advised. The key is to observe before insisting.

Panel from the manga 'Ya no quiero regañar más'.asahi.com

The conversation left one clear idea: setting a boundary between child and adult, remembering that they are different people and that a child's behavior is not a test for anyone, can be the first step to stopping that addiction to scolding.